I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
