got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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