Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
