You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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