I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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