rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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