So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
