he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
