Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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