Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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