You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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