i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Say something about gay babies.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
