Sry I called you an 8
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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