Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
