Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
