she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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