You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
