If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She bit a glass in half.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
