At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
