What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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