My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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