i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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