from now on my penis is your penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
