I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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