i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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