I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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