return my video game
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
