i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
