Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
