Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
