Where is the hickey?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
