he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
