I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
