we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
