I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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