He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
