I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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