I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
