So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize