Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
