So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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