my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
