Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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