I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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