We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
