she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
