I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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