Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
