We're like a lot better than the average bears
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
