my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
