I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
