Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
