Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
