How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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