butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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