I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
