I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
