she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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