I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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