we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
