Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
