My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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