this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
