remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
two words...techno handjob
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
