I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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