I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
