I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
