his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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