I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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