you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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