Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
