she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
