his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
